Top tips

GCSE STUDENTS. Don't worry if you fail your Religious Education exam. Simply ignore the result and assign yourself an A grade, telling anyone who objects that it is your solemn belief that you passed.

Christina Martin, e-mail

FOOL PEOPLE into thinking you are an octopus by drinking several litres of ink and farting everytime someone startles you.

D. Grear, e-mail

LORRY DRIVERS. Save pounds by spending less on pornography and axes to kill women with.

Ian Corrigan, e-mail



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