Top tips

GENTS. WHEN coming out of a florists, always punch the first person that you see to ensure that no one thinks you are gay.

Guy A Bell, Plymouth

ALCOHOLICS. Instead of hiding cans of cider from your wife in the laundry basket, or using Chlorets to disguise the smell of vomit from your boss, use your deviousness and intellect for greater financial reward by becoming a criminal mastermind like Lex Luther or Ernst Blofeld.

Dave Storey, e-mail

COMMUTERS. Make the bus come quicker by standing by the corner looking for it coming down the road, then running back to the bus stop.

John Altree, Hounslow



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