SAVE MONEY on expensive hole punches by goading a Great Dane into snapping at you while you slip the appropriate documents between its foaming canines. It may help to make a pencil mark halfway along the edge, and try to line this up with the cleft in the dog's top lip.
FINCHLEY parkies. Putting a second 'No Ball games' sign 8 yards (7.32m) to the left of the current one will save us having to use a jumper for a goalpost.
WAIT TILL your neighbours get into their car, then fool them into thinking the handbrake doesn't work by pulling their house backwards.