I WAS WATCHING golf on telly the other day and I realised that even the top players take two or three swipes at the ball before being able to hit it. I'm not one to complain, but I'm not sure they are completely worth the millions they receive.
I'M FED up with people moaning about the recent floods and complaining that their councils did little to help. My dad was caught in a flood and he didn't just sit on his fat arse waiting for the council to bring him some sandbags. He got his finger out and built a bloody great boat and filled it with animals. Not bad for a six-hundred year old.
WHY DO women keep telling me to go fuck myself? If I could fuck myself, I wouldn't be putting my hands up their skirts in the first place.